In one of those happy bits of mathematics that roll around every other results season or so, Massmart’s year-on-year revenue growth turns out to be more or less exactly ten times that of Walmart’s revenue growth back home, give or take and speaking percentagally. 15.5%, to be precise, compared with 1.5%. Although adjusted for currency and billions of dollars, it’s a very different picture, obviously. But it does go some way to explaining Walmart’s interest in the African market. More about those numbers: Sales R61.2billion and climbing, with like store sales up 9.6%. Massdiscounters up 11%, Massbuild up 13%, Masscash up 16.5% and Makro really really up at 20.1%. Masscash, housing as it does the crucial Cambridge acquisition, is the one to watch as it is at the vanguard of Massmart’s stated desire to build a R20billion food business in five years. If it’s the full results you’re after, bide your time until 22 August, when Mr Pattison will deliver them in suitably measured tones.

Comment: But so far, an excellent set of indicators, which would seem to indicate that the Walmart experiment, paired with Massmart’s superb fundamentals, is working.

... but there’s ongoing drama with the Walmart/Massmart transaction. Not only can the members of the court-appointed panel on the supplier development fund not agree on quantum, they refuse to put their names to the same report, resulting in not one but two documents for the Competition Appeal Court to consider. According to the representatives of SACCAWU and the government, Messrs Hodge and Stiglitz respectively, R100million is woefully inadequate to cover the goals of the fund, and R500million-R2billion over five to ten years should just about do it. Massmart representative Dr Mike Morris in his report worries about the lack of administrative oversight over such a large sum of money. And various commentators have wondered whether such a penalty should not be levied upon all retailers – or indeed anyone importing inexpensive t-shirts from China.

Comment: From a crusade to a vendetta to a pogrom, and thence, inevitably to a big fat joke.

Zimbabwe 2 – Botswana 1
Mauritius 3 – Reunion 1
Namibia 4 – Lesotho 1

Not, as you were no doubt thinking, the playoffs of the African Cup of Nations. No, we’re afraid it’s just a little conceit of typography we’ve used to enliven your morning while reporting on the numbers of stores Fruit & Veg City has elsewhere on the continent where we’ve carved out our niche, viz., Africa. FVC, as their dashing executive team like you to call them, are targeting the growing economic hub of West Africa while simultaneously plucking the lower-hanging fruit, oh, no, did we really say that, closer to home. And East Africa is not beyond the realm of possibility either. The vehicles for this expansion will be Fruit & Veg City markets in rural areas and border towns, where you will be able to exchange the contents of your trolley for a handful of uncut emeralds, and Food Lover’s Markets in the urban centres, where all major credit cards will be accepted.

Comment: Africa: no longer only for cissies.

The inaugural Dairy Innovation Awards must have been something: “You see those massive, hairy, horned things over there? You can get milk from them, you know.” As the industry has matured, the bar has presumably become lower for innovation, but well done to Nampak anyway, who won Best Dairy Packaging Innovation this year for their Infini bottle, which comes in 15% lighter than the usual plastic bottles across the range (with some sizes achieving 25%) and contains up to 15% recycled materials, with this projected to increase to 50% by 2020. It also has a nifty handle at the corner for easy grasping by the bleary of eye and has been selected as the optimum solution to help retailers and dairies achieve the government and industry targets set by the Courtauld Commitment 2 and the current Dairy Roadmap by which retailers and suppliers have agreed to reduce the carbon impact of their packaging.

Comment: Commendable progress in that most important of service sectors, packaging.

One time auditors Deloitte have as you know diversified into professional services, a broad church which allows them a more passing interest in the exciting world of retail. They have recently published the results of a survey on private label, and if you’re an actual brand, you might find the result troubling. Private label is predicted to account for 11.3% of consumption by 2016 in South Africa, significant compared with Russia (1.5%), negligible if compared with the UK (40.5%) but a solid 2% up from where we were in 2011. Why are punters now gravitating towards a category which they might once have perceived to be boring and inferior? Economic necessity has been a significant factor in the recession years, as well as the fact that many stores’ own brands have stepped up to the quality, innovation and packaging plate and are now competing with real brands in their own right – while still building loyalty for the retailer in question. Then there are the meta-brands like Boots No. 7 which started out in its eponymous pharmacist but is breaking boundaries – it is sold in Clicks and will soon be available in Carrefour and Walgreen.

Comment: Would somebody invite the jury back in?

Ernst & Young have just had a chat with 25‚000 consumers in 34 countries‚ and left a little disgruntled. Today’s consumers, they are troubled to report, much like today’s teenaged daughters, are harder to define, understand or please than they ever were before. Among those more specific findings:

• Today’s chameleon consumers, with their conflicting preferences, refuse to be segmented. Segmented chameleons... eeeurgh.
  Emerging markets remain the playground for brands, while mature markets reserve their loyalty for small, yappy dogs.
• Personalised communication is a must. Twit me on my facewall.
• Consumers now have a Phd in which brand of toilet tissue they prefer and at what price point. Don’t try to pull a fast one on them, or they will simply go to Shoprite.
• They have a firm idea of what constitutes service and wish to be “co-creators” of their experience. We have no firm idea of what on earth this is meant to mean.

Comment: So there you have it. And you are not going out looking like that, not as long as you live under our roof.

Giving East African pretender Nakumatt a run for its money would be our very own Game, which along with rag merchant Foschini will be anchoring Garden City, East Africa’s biggest mall at 4,645m², on the Thika Highway, with completion scheduled for early 2014. Kenya, you may recall, is a previous basket case (although a well-woven and attractive basket case) which is all of a sudden challenging South Africa for the admittedly made-up title of “Gateway to Africa”.

Tiger Brands, you will be delighted to know, has reached an agreement for the acquisition of 63.4% of wheat and pasta outfit Dangote Flour Mills of Nigeria, where it is really making inroads of late: last year it bought Deli Foods Nigeria‚ a biscuit maker‚ outright for R296,3m and paid R421,1m for a 49% stake in UAC Foods Nigeria‚ a manufacturer of branded food products.